What Else?

Life has thrown us some serious curve balls in the past couple of years. I'm now nine months out of work and looking daily. It takes a toll on you. Your life is up in the air, resulting in an underlying anxiety you can't quite shake. Headlines, unemployment rates and job loss stories intrude daily, reeking havoc on your attempts to keep yourself calm and focused. In today's world you're lucky to get an interview and even luckier if you land the job. Fact is... there just aren't enough to go around.

So, while you struggle to live on a diminished income and hope that next interview is your lucky break, you just don't want to even contemplate that it could get worse. But, of course it can. And, for Craig and I, it did. My husband's employer announced last week they will close the facility he works in- late summer. We are fortunate we have some months to prepare but seriously, this is scary. Both out of work? That's not good... scary, scary stuff.

Best case scenario: Craig wraps things up with his current employer, gets his severance pay and lands a job that starts soon after ( with no lapse in health insurance coverage). In the meantime, I find employment, get settled into the position and life goes on, slightly battered but hopeful for the future.

Worst case scenario: Neither of us find employment. This goes on too long and we lose everything.

Craig and I are now in the same boat as millions of Americans. According to today's paper there are 15,000,000 of us chasing 3,000,000 jobs. Making matters worse, Craig and I are too young to retire and reaching the age less inticing to potential employers. It's strange to think your age may make a difference in your employment status. Anyone in their 50's knows you don't feel old. I know I am wiser, savvier and way, way more awesome than in my younger days.
I'd like to say I really don't think the worse will happen but after having lived through the loss of a young family member, I now KNOW the worse can and does happen. You don't feel safe after such a life-altering tragedy. The worst is happening all around this nation of ours. And, while, I'm not exactly a glass half full kind of gal, I would also ascertain I'm not a doomsdayer either. I guess somewhere in between optimism and pessimism is this uneasy feeling that life as we know it really could change.

My sister reminds me that one thing we have going for us is family. No matter what happens, none of us will ever be without food and shelter. We're covered. Family would always be there. I know this, and it's comforting, but I don't really don't want to put family charity to the test.

Despite these troubling times, it is intriguing to find myself so increasingly grateful for what I do have. Like many Americans, I've always wanted more. But when life interferes and material things become tenuous, you just want to hold on to what you've got, making you realize their worth.

Not long ago, Craig and I were considering moving to a final home, one that we've dreamed about for a long time. Now, the house I live in seems so precious to me. This house and the things in this house. All the little worse for wear, not worth anything substantial. But it's my stuff. Stuff I value and don't want to lose. No more yearning for the house with character, the car, the big screen TV, the fabulous trip, furnishings, clothing, etc. I just want to keep what I have. I just want to stay afloat and happily adjust to the idea that what we have is enough... more than enough.

My parents never lived rich. A minister and a teacher don't have the means to do so but they saved and invested their money wisely and by all appearances are living a pretty fine retirement. I wonder if my generation will be able to do the same? Will my generation survive the losses in retirement accounts, crippling job loss, a failing social security system? Will our homes be paid off? Will our debt be paid off? Will we be able to live out our retirement years visiting grand kids, traveling, pursuing leisure activities we'd put off during our working life? Or, will we work until we die?

Pessimistic contemplation, I know. But those questions are there, lurking right under the surface, poking up their nasty little heads pretty much all the time. And, while I don't often lay voice to these demons, I know many Americans are wondering the same things.

As we move through these next few months, my goals are to stay optimistic, hang out with family A LOT, be prepared for the worst and remain grateful for all I have.

One day at time. That's my motto. Most days this works just fine.

VSL